Put it in the bag

I walked into Victoria's Secret one evening and after about 5 minutes of perusing, this guy walks up behind me (he's talking to someone else on the phone) and says "anything you want in the store, I got it. Just pick anything you want here and I'll buy it for you."

I didn't know whether to laugh or to be offended. So, you want to approach me and you don't even have the common courtesy of getting off the phone first but I suppose the fact that you are offering to buy up the entire store for me should forgive all.

I can't remember how he said it, but Chris Rock implied in one of his specials that if a man can make money...he's good. He doesn't really need to be tall, doesn't need to be cute, he just needs to make money...and he'll be fine. In fact, if men didn't need women, they probably wouldn't care so much about money/obtaining material things.

I mean, that can't be all there is to women...can it? For Joe Blow at Victoria's Secret to come tell me that he can buy me anything at the store...it must have worked with some other woman. Surely, there are plenty women in the world that will quickly give up money to have other things: love, attention, care, concern e.t.c. If that's the case, why is it that when all these song writers are making songs they are telling of how many houses they can buy for you and how they can "transform ya"

Am I the one that has it completely wrong?

If "Money" = "Open Sesame" for women, what is the equivalent of it for men?

Me and Mrs. Jones...

Someone told me once that when you get in a relationship, your demeanor changes and your confindence gets a boost. Supposedly, this all happens subconciously. When this happens, people (of the opposite sex) are more attracted to you and out of nowhere...people that neva send you, start winking at you.

I'm not sure that I agree with that completely. I think, very simply put, that people are attracted to that which they can't have. There's no science or deep psychology to it. I have seen situations where a guy is blasé about a girl that has been sweating him get VERY interested once she's lost interest. Once someone that was once very available to you becomes unavailable in some form or fashion, their appeal skyrockets.

If this is the case, is their something to the "play hard to get" theory that my mom has been drumming into my head since I hit puberty? This "if the milk is free, why buy the cow" theory that many women preach to their daughters, but guys CONSTANTLY try to disprove?

I can't say that that theory is crap, because I've heard sooooooooooooooooooooo many guys that get married/engaged/in a long term relationship tell me/or someone that "...and then I said [insert request], and she said "NO". It was that moment that I knew she was special"

Likewise, I've heard many men (including my dad) tell me that their stock went waaaaaaaay up as soon as they got married (i.e. unavailable).

Does being in a relationship show your ability to keep someone happy, and therefore makes you more attractive? Or are people attracted to what they can't have because then, they don't HAVE to commit to it?

To be nice or not to be nice...that is the question

Is it because he is 'nice' or is he just not your type?

Ok...this might have been beaten to death, but I'd still like to get some input on it.

Too often we hear the catch phrase "nice guys finish last". While I don't completely agree with this, I can't say I completely disagree either.

One thing that WORKS my nerve is the assumption that when nice guy meets girl, nice guy likes girl, nice guy pursues girl, girl isn't feeling nice guy...it's a case of nice guy finishing last. Arrrgh.

Seriously ladies, how many of you want an a-hole? I know I don't! I like nice men. In fact, I love nice men. I want to be respected, cherished and cared for...who no like good thing? But should I then just be quick to "surrender" to the first nice guy that comes/came along? Awww heckinaw!!!

Ladies, do we take 'nice guys' for granted? Do we automatically push them to the back or get uninterested when they show a lot of interest and attention (as opposed to a "bad" boy who is too busy juggling other women to give us enough attention).

I dunno...I reckon if I'm not feeling a guy, it has very little to do with his 'niceness' and much more to do with our compatibility. Is it that 'nice' guys then end up being no one's type? LOL!

..p.s.: Nice guy =/= Pushover. Pushovers do finish last! C'mon! Be a man!

The number game...

...why do guys like to act like it's always the woman's fault when she gives out a wrong number?

Seriously, I hope you guys know you have quite a MAJOR role to play when you get the wrong number sometimes. I'm just tired of guys ALWAYS quick to point a finger at a girl when something doesn't go right with the number collecting process.

Guy: Say, can I have your number?
Girl: Nah, I'm sorry....I got a man.
Guy: ...but your man ain't me
Girl:...*proceed to give guy the wrong number*

...then, said dude now has the audacity to get upset that he got the wrong number. Respect yourself jo. It may be just me, but it's hard enough saying no when someone you don't want to give your number asks for your number. Why make it harder? Why try to get my number when I'm dancing to my favorite song and I don't feel like talking? Or persist when I've already said I'm not interested.

Sometimes...a dude is just ASKING for it when it comes to getting the wrong number.

Am I tripping? Or, do I NEVER have an excuse for giving the wrong number? Or better yet, giving my number and neever picking up.

When I move, you move?

Is it ever Ok for the woman to make the first move? Or rather, is it ever NOT ok for the woman to make the first move?

Since "times have changed" and we are now in "enlightened" times, do you guys feel as if women should go after men that they are interested in more agressively than they have done in the past? If so, how? At what point do you feel she's starting to do too much?

Often times (in my observation), it seems like women don't want to be making moves on a guy they like because they don't want to be taken for granted...they don't want to be taken advantage of.

Women...how far would you go in "going after" a man? Would you make any moves at all? Or would you just hope that he approaches you, and if he doesn't...you move on?

Me sha...if I like a guy, I'll try to make sure that he notices me. I'll position myself in such a way that we are able to have a conversation, we are able to "connect" and then it's up to him to go in for the kill. If he doesn't I move on and assume he wasn't feeling me. I feel QUITE forward asking a guy for his number, if I'm really interested in him. Am I alone?

Seems to me like with the whole fake number/club etiquette fiasco, guy would feel a little more reluctant to go after women they want, and it's now up to women to be more transparent/outspoken about their interest.

[Title taken from song: "Stand Up" by Ludacris]

I am not my hair

Ok...so you start dating someone and everything is kosher. Looks..check. Intelligence...check. Everything else so far...check. When you met her, she was rocking her natural hair in a bob. Two months later, she becomes weavie wonder. Unfortunately, it doesn't flatter her at all! But, she's set her mind to keep weaving it up.

Ladies...he was bald or something when you met, two months later...he says he wants to start growing dreads and although you've never expressed it before (conversation never went that route)...you HATE dreads!

Do you grin and bear it, or do you scream..."I did not sign up for this" and ask him/her to change or do you bounce?

How much say should you have in your partner's style (or rather, change in style) in a dating relationship.


**I wonder how much say married people get to have***

[Title taken from song: "I am not my hair" by India.arie]

If at first you don't succeed...

...dust yourself off and try again.

I'm one of those people that is not afraid to jump back on the horse once I've fallen off. I tell myself that just because something didn't work out the first time, doesn't mean that it is doomed to fail the second time around.

This thought, however, doesn't apply to failed relationships. For me to pry myself away from a relationship from someone, I must have been convinced that either I have nothing to offer the person any longer or they have nothing to offer me any longer. Even when this is not the case, it is pretty difficult for me to be convinced that what didn't work the first time around will work when given another opportunity. Most likely, we are still the same people with the same thoughts and habits and somehow, I doubt time would have changed that.

Can someone help me understand the reasoning behind "make ups to break ups"? Why would I get in a relationship with one person, and then continually return to them when the relationship has failed several times. Can you return to someone that you ended a relationship with? Why? How many times do you return before you stop trying?

In line with "dust[ing] yourself off and try[ing] again," how do you take stock to ensure that you don't head down the same path as the previous relationship that you were in with someone else? Because in my opinion, if you keep dating different people with the same exact traits, you might as well keep dating the same person.

What things do you consider to ensure that lessons have been learned?

[Title taken from song: "Try Again" by Aaliyah (RIP)]